As I was singing to Ruby while rocking her to sleep this week, the same song kept coming to mind. Stuart Townend's How Deep the Father's Love is one of my favorites.
"How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory."
This Easter season, Good Friday has taken on a whole new meaning in my heart. Now that I have my own child, the word "searing" seems the perfect fit to describe the loss that God felt as His only Son was crucified, taking on the sin of the world. A loss that is extreme, intense, and leaves its mark upon the one experiencing it.
This week I got my panties in a wad when someone cut me off in traffic. I got my feelings hurt , and I was offended when an individual falsely accused me of something. I raised my voice when Ruby was screaming non stop while water was pouring out of my bathroom pipes. I wanted to make Levi feel guilty for not being available during a hard time. I spent an enormous amount of time on facebook and about 10 minutes in prayer. I gossiped. I doubted that God really had any kind of plan for me and my family. I complained. I grumbled. I assumed I was better than the next person. The list goes on.
God's grace has allowed me to recognize (although I'll never understand) His searing loss, His Son's sacrifice, and the implications it has for my stony heart. Christ came for the sick, He served, and He was obedient even to the point of death. The same power that raised Christ from the dead is in me, empowering me to love and extend grace, kindness, and even (gasp!) forgiveness. I am privileged to share in His sufferings. I pray that when searing loss inevitably comes my way that I will count it as an honor to share in Christ's sufferings and will always be mindful of the hope I have in Him.
I just don't really know what to do except keep singing those verses over and over again until they penetrate deeply.
How deep the Father's love for us!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Four Month Socialite
Having a four month old has been so much more fun than all the other months combined. Although, I did go up to the hospital the other day to see a friend of mine and her newborn, and all of the sudden I was convinced that having a newborn was the best thing ever. Wow. Hormones are RAGING.
Ruby's fourth month was quite an adventure. She took a trip with me, her Gigi, and her Aunt Lauren to go see her Aunt Hill in Nashville. She did fine in her carseat, slept most of the way, and really was quite a delight the entire trip. I am trying to warn myself (and Levi) that our next kid might not be this easy going. But, for now, we'll take it!
What else did we do in February? I went back to work part time and left Ruby at home with her Gigi two days per week for the past four weeks. I feel guilty when I get to work and forget about her for a few minutes. Then I remember her when I have to pump every couple hours :) My breasts will never let me forget her for too long. Overall it has been a seamless transition with only one emotional breakdown (me not Ruby) on the eve of my first day back. My mom assures me that Ruby never really fusses and seems happy as a clam, so I hope she isn't lying.
We went to the doctor, and Ruby weighs about 13 pounds. She is back on the charts for weight and is climbing the charts for height. Now that I avoid chocolate, citrus fruit, and dairy, her face is silky smooth. Her favorite thing to do is "talk", and I'm pretty sure the first time she laughed this month my heart melted to the floor. Sweetest thing ever. She thinks I am pretty funny these days as she does anyone who will sit there and make silly noises like an idiot for any extended period of time. Four months old also brought more of a realization to her that she does in fact have fingers and toes. She loves to just look at them, eat them, and grab things. When I rock her she tries to reach out and touch my face with her slobbery little fingers. Also very sweet. Naps were going great until I transitioned her into her crib. I won't complain, though, because the girl has slept through the night since she was 8 weeks old!
Levi is finally done with basketball season, which means he is home more nights of the week. This has been wonderful and really excites me about summer. We are finally into our "groove" of having a baby and it is getting harder to remember what life was like before we had Rubes. It definitely wasn't as smelly, slobbery, or wonderful. She brings us such joy!
Here are some pictures from February...
Ruby's fourth month was quite an adventure. She took a trip with me, her Gigi, and her Aunt Lauren to go see her Aunt Hill in Nashville. She did fine in her carseat, slept most of the way, and really was quite a delight the entire trip. I am trying to warn myself (and Levi) that our next kid might not be this easy going. But, for now, we'll take it!
What else did we do in February? I went back to work part time and left Ruby at home with her Gigi two days per week for the past four weeks. I feel guilty when I get to work and forget about her for a few minutes. Then I remember her when I have to pump every couple hours :) My breasts will never let me forget her for too long. Overall it has been a seamless transition with only one emotional breakdown (me not Ruby) on the eve of my first day back. My mom assures me that Ruby never really fusses and seems happy as a clam, so I hope she isn't lying.
We went to the doctor, and Ruby weighs about 13 pounds. She is back on the charts for weight and is climbing the charts for height. Now that I avoid chocolate, citrus fruit, and dairy, her face is silky smooth. Her favorite thing to do is "talk", and I'm pretty sure the first time she laughed this month my heart melted to the floor. Sweetest thing ever. She thinks I am pretty funny these days as she does anyone who will sit there and make silly noises like an idiot for any extended period of time. Four months old also brought more of a realization to her that she does in fact have fingers and toes. She loves to just look at them, eat them, and grab things. When I rock her she tries to reach out and touch my face with her slobbery little fingers. Also very sweet. Naps were going great until I transitioned her into her crib. I won't complain, though, because the girl has slept through the night since she was 8 weeks old!
Levi is finally done with basketball season, which means he is home more nights of the week. This has been wonderful and really excites me about summer. We are finally into our "groove" of having a baby and it is getting harder to remember what life was like before we had Rubes. It definitely wasn't as smelly, slobbery, or wonderful. She brings us such joy!
Here are some pictures from February...
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